Halloween Haunts
by Vampire Kisses 54
Summary: A collection of  Halloween oneshots and ficlets.
1. Pumpkin Patch

A/N: Roses are red, violets are blue, I don't own _Twilight_ so you can't sue.

Pumpkin Patch

They drove down to the dirt path to the farm. The couple got out of the car and walked hand in hand to the orange sea. They walked around and examined each choice wondering which one of the pumpkins would be the one.

"One pumpkin, two pumpkin, orange pumpkin, blue pumpkin." The girl repeatedly mumbled this song under her breath as she inspected each one. Suddenly she heard a quiet chuckle and looked up to see her perfect boyfriend smirking at her and glared. "What are you laughing at?"

"Silly Bella. Aren't you singing the Cat in the Hat rhyme about the fish except with different words?"

"No," she replied indignantly, "I'm singing the pumpkin picking song. I learned it when I was little. It's supposed to bring you good luck and find the perfect pumpkin."

"That song won't find you the perfect pumpkin. But anyway, what kind of pumpkin do you want, we'll share. Do you want one that's fat, short, tall, smooth, bumpy, or thin?"

"Yes it will work; it has never failed me before. I don't know what kind I want, but when I see my pumpkin I'll know." They started searching through the patch of pumpkins.

"Well, how about this one. It's perfect?"

"No. It's terribly ugly"

"This one is lovely. It's tall and smooth. There isn't even one bump on it."

"Absolutely not." She shrieked.

"Do you want one that's short and lumpy?" He asked grimacing slightly.

"Eww. No. You have horrid taste, Edward!" The brunette exclaimed. Bella shot down all of Edward's pumpkin choices incessantly.

"What do you want, Bella?" He sighed exasperatedly. "I feel like we've been here for an hour." He glanced at his watch. "We _have_ been here for an hour!"

"Well Edward, finding the perfect pumpkin is not something that can be rushed," Bella huffed.

"For the past hour I've been suggesting perfectly good pumpkins to put on our doorstep. You've rejected them all. If you don't pick a pumpkin out in the next 10 minutes _you_ are going to go home without one."

"What do you mean _I'm _going home without a pumpkin? I thought we were getting one to share and we would carve it together," she whined.

"Well since you decided that you were better than every pumpkin I picked out I decided to get my own." He exclaimed, frustrated. They reached the entrance to the pumpkin patch after the ten minutes were up. He heard her mumbling the pumpkin song on the way out.

"Hey Edward! I found the perfect one. It is wide, tall, smooth, and the perfect orange color. It will be a beautiful jack-o-lantern." Edward walked up and looked at it. Then his expression turned into a scowl.

"Bella! That's the first pumpkin I pointed to. The one I said was perfect, the one you said, and I quote, 'No. It's terribly ugly'. Why didn't you just get it then?"

"I don't know, I guess I just had to sing the pumpkin song to find the perfect one." Bella shot back as she giggled at him.

A/N: Reviews are greatly appreciated


	2. Always Picking On the Vampire

A/N: Twilight isn't mine as much as I wish otherwise. Stephenie Meyer is the genius behind hat one.

Always Picking On the Vampire

"It was a dark, foggy night. The moon was full and the dark, ominous clouds blocked out all the light." The girl started with a hushed voice.

"Good Bella you're getting better at scary stories. Now you absolutely suck instead of being dreadful." A screeching "Shut up Emmett!" followed this outburst and was proceeded with a smack on the head.

"Now back to the story. " She readjusted the flashlight in an attempt to make her look scary. It didn't work which caused the stunningly attractive vampire to her left to roar with laughter.

"Emmett. Stop it! Now where was I. Ahh, yes so it was a dark, foggy-"

"You already said that!" The boy called Emmett whined.

"If you interrupt me one more time I won't tell you the scary story you asked for," Bella threatened.

"If I wanted a scary story, I'd just look at your face. Oooh that was good; you just got served!" Emmett then started doing his boo-yah dance which looked and sounded slightly like an elephant trying to do the moon walk and failing. Except worse.

All of the sudden, a white blur flew into the room and started growling at Emmett. "What did you just say to Bella, Emmett?"

"I just said-"

"I know what you said. Aren't you going to apologize for it?"

"No. Why would I apologize for the truth?" Emmett looked confused. Bella unexpectedly burst into tears.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward was by her side in a second, comforting her. "Did he hurt your feelings? See Emmett you just hurt her feelings," he snapped without letting her answer.

"He didn't hurt my feelings. No one wants to hear my story. D-Doesn't anyone w-w-want to hear the end of my scary story?" She sobbed.

"Of course. I'll stay and listen to the whole thing." He said sincerely.

"You promise? You won't leave for any reason?" She questioned.

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Really really really?"

"Really really really."

"Really really-"

"Bella! Get on with the show."

"Fine," she pouted. "What about Emmett?" She glanced over at Emmett who was covertly trying to sneak out of the room.

Emmett looked over, ashamed at being caught. "Fine, I'll stay." He sighed.

"Emmett, don't sound so depressed. You were the one who wanted to hear the story anyway."  
"That was before I knew you'd be so horrible. You said you got better." He mumbled.

"Emmett…" Edward growled. His voice turned lighter when he spoke to Bella. "Let's hear your scary story now. I'm sure it will be delightfully frightful."

"Okay. So it was a dark, foggy night. The moon was full and the dark, ominous clouds blocked out all the light. The wind rustled through the house, creaking the floor boards and scattering the leaves into the hallway, disturbing the spiders' webs. In the distance, you could hear a faint howl. The girl grew frightened as she sat in her home alone. It grew louder. She could see the shaggy outline. The beast was coming. For her. The growling was right outside her doorway. She caught sight of the werewolf-"

"Werewolf! Uggh, Bella, must you bring that horrid dog Jacob Black into everything! He never fails to ruin my day. Now you even are making up a story about him! Why didn't you make one up about me. I'm supposed to be your boyfriend. You could start like this. The vampire got out of his coffin swiftly and looked around for-"

"Edward, I didn't mean it like that. It's just a scary story! A lot of them are about werewolves."

"Werewolves! There you go again. Always picking on the vampire. I can't stand listening to you talk of him. I'll be back later!"

"Fine! I don't want you to hear it anymore." Emmett sat their in deep thought. "Emmett, do you want to hear the end?" Bella asked.

"No. I'm going to go tell Rose own scary story."

"About what?"

"You and Edward's fight."


	3. Bella the Bake Sale Bombshell

A/N: Unfortunately I don't own _Twilight_ as much as I may wish.

Bella the Bake Sale Bombshell

The Forks High School Annual Halloween Bake Sale was just around the corner. Fliers were being passed around the school, earning eye rolls from the recipients, asking parents and students to prepare a dessert. Brownies, cookies, cake, pie. Anything you could think of would be there. The only condition was it had to be home made. It was just tradition in Forks to spend hours slaving over the oven baking for this competition. Families had generations win in the same category, viciously guarding their recipes to their death. But not this year. This year, Bella Swan would take them down with a pinch of sugar and a dash of salt. Not because she actually wanted to, but she wanted to make Edward proud of her. And to maybe get Emmett to leave her alone about her last baking fiasco.

"Edward," Bella said as she tripped down the hall, "I have to enter this contest. Where are the sign-up forms?"

"On the student memo board, Bella. Why are you doing this anyway? You don't bake."

"Well I want to start." She stated. Her eyes got on a glazed look as she began speaking to herself. "Hmm, what should I make," she mumbled. "Cherry pie, pumpkin pie, ghost shaped cookies, chocolate cake, brownies. They're all so good. What do you think, Edward?"

"I don't know, Bella. What ever sounds good to you."

"But they're all so delicious! I just can't pick." She fretted over all of her options. "Well I better get to work these desserts need to brought tomorrow. See you later. I need to go to the store."

Bella sped through the store passing many aisles, looking for the one that said Baking Goods. She picked up flour, cocoa, white chocolate, pie tins, graham crackers, gummy worms, red dye, brown and white sugar, baking soda, powdered sugar, and vanilla. She set off to get eggs and milk. She then raced to the canned goods section to get cherries and pumpkin. She rushed to the check out line to pay. While Bella waited, she saw all of the mothers in the town of Forks embarking on the tedious task she had just completed: grocery shopping. The brunette paid and drove home, eager to begin her culinary masterpieces.

"Edward," Bella called. He was in front of her in a flash. "Will you please take in the groceries? Oh and be gentle with them." He was able to bring all of her ten bags in one trip.

"Bella, what are you making? You have enough ingredients to make fifteen different desserts." He said, astounded.

"Oh never you mind, Edward," she said facetiously. "I'm only making two pies, brownies, a cake, and a few surprises." Bella said this casually, as though she did that everyday.

"What, you'll kill yourself. This is dangerous." Edward replied, worried.

"Edward, it's just a mixer. Besides, you can stay and protect m. My very own knight and shining armor. That would be a great costume by the way." He visibly relaxed after the thought of protecting her sunk in. But he also looked very anxious though at the thought of being shoved in to tights.

Bella pulled out the mixer, bowls, pie tins, and ingredients. She then started to begin baking. She had combined all of the ingredients and was just about to start mixing.

"Bella, do you want me to do it for you?"

"No thank you, Edward," she replied.

After mixing the batter for about a minute, her arm started to tire.

"Bella, are you sure?"

"Of course," she mumbled,

Her arm was killing her after another minute's effort.

"Fine Edward, you can do it," she grumbled darkly.

"I'd love to help," he smiled dazzlingly. He mixed the batter in a flash, doing what she could have accomplished in five more minutes in mere seconds.

"Whatever."

The work went on for hours with a little chatter between Bella and Edward. They mixed (well he did) and baked. She frosted, sprinkled, cut, added candy, and molded. Of course, there were the endless flirting fights.

"Bella what are you doing? Edward questioned.

"Nothing," she said, her voice pitched an octave higher. Edward turned back to mixing. Clap! Bella got Edward on the face with cloud of flour.

"Oh Bella, it's on." He returned with a clap in her face. Her face was covered in the white powder, but it didn't hide the shocked expression on her face. "What you asked for it." They continued running around the small kitchen throwing handfuls of flour at each other. Their clothes were spotted with it when they fell to the floor laughing at one another. Then they got back to work, prim and proper, until Edward swiftly took the spatula out of Bella's homemade chocolate frosting and smudged it on her nose. She of course had to get him back. It just so happened to smear on his lips. But this time it didn't go into a full out war.

"You'll have to clean that up," Edward said huskily.

"Oh, I intend to," Bella said with lusting eyes. She leaned over and kissed it off, licking the excess off her lips. Bella then kissed him again and her hands knotted in Edward's hair while she pulled him close. Edward decided to stop it there and they got back to work. After hours of slaving (and a few taste tests, "I had to make sure that I made it right!"), they were done.

Bella was left with a mound of scrumptious looking desserts. Cheery pie, pumpkin pie, chocolate blood cake (the middle of a chocolate lava cake was die red), white chocolate fangs (which had to set in the fridge for hours before they could be worn and eaten), ghost cookies, graveyard dirt (brownies with gummy worms), and a bat shaped chocolate cake with chocolate frosting.

The next morning, Bella brought her Halloween themed treats to school. They were put on the cheesy pumpkin and bat decorated table cloth. Her desserts were the fist to be sold out (to get them you had to say "trick or treat", which embarrassed her classmates to no end, but Bella's treats were that good), and the begrudging moms of Forks begged for her secret, for she had broken the winning streaks of their families. Bella told them she didn't have a secret, but she knew in her heart it wasn't so. Her secret was standing right beside her with a crooked grin, kissing her in her success.

A/N: Reviews are appreciated.


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